I cringe of course to touch this
topic, but a few things need to be said.
Marriage exists in all societies to a greater or lesser degree and works
to accommodate the biological needs of the human species first. A natural adjunct is that it also works to optimize
the economic effectiveness of the two individuals. So far so good except for the unfortunate
effect of individual variability in which it is also asked to somehow accommodate
the full spectrum of human behavior.
There never has been a golden age
for human marriage. As our present
society transitions to a vastly different global society, it is hardly
surprising that all the old ways are presently in serious turmoil. The hard part is to first emotionally let go
of the past itself.
The future of marriage will
reflect a completely new set of human compromises that allows society to fully
support child rearing and adult development through a century long life. Once one accepts that the debate is about the
shape of the future and how to manage and optimize that future, then progress
is plausible.
My own thoughts are toward a
radically different economic model that wraps a human community of around a
natural one hundred and fifty individuals whose lifeway is integrated around a
primary agricultural unit that retains a self contained internal currency regime
that allows all members to readily optimize their contribution and supply them their
financial anchor when pursuing a life outside of the home community. Such a system implies a deeper more woven
community and a rethink of marriage as an institution. My instinct is to perfect the economic basis
and allow the social institutions to sort themselves out.
Any other approach will
perpetuate present problems and fail to eliminate obvious shortcomings. At least we may reduce remaining problems to
that solely related to human nature itself.
Let's revive marriage in America
By MIKE MCMANUS
Posted: 6:25 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 4, 2012
Only 51 percent of American adults are married - a record low - down
from 72 percent in 1960, according to a Pew Research
Center
First, the number of never-married Americans nearly doubled, from 15
percent to 28 percent, between 1960 and 2010. Pew said that many couples are
cohabiting instead of marrying because "they fear divorce." Why? Many
are adult children of divorce who do not want to live through such pain again.
Second, the number of divorced and un-remarried people has grown from 5
percent to 14 percent of the population.
Third, in the past 50 years, the median age at which people first marry
has jumped six years - to 26 for women and to 29 for men. Today, only a fifth
of adults ages 18 to 29 are married, vs. three times as many in 1960, 59
percent.
What's troubling is not the later age at which people marry, which is
generally wise, but the fact that only 72 percent of today's adults have ever
married, versus 85 percent in 1960.
What is behind this shift? Another recent Pew survey reported that four
in 10 Americans think marriage is "becoming obsolete." Particularly
interesting is that 47 percent of those who think marriage is becoming obsolete
say they would like to marry; virtually the same share (45 percent) of
unmarried adults who think marriage is not becoming obsolete say they want to
wed.
Those numbers suggest a strategy for churches, which perform nine of 10
weddings: Make a case for marriage from the pulpit. True, there aren't many
cohabiting couples in church, but millions of churchgoing parents of adult
children do not know what to say to them. What arguments might pastors make
about the value of marriage?
I recommend that clergy read "The State of Our Unions
Similarly, mothers and fathers who see parenting as one of "life's
greatest joys" are about twice as likely to report being very happy in
their marriages. However, the report cautions that "parenthood is
typically associated with lower levels of marital happiness." Having a
baby requires sacrifices, such as a loss of sleep, less disposable income and
often less quality time with one another, resulting in less sex.
And there is a sad paradox among young Americans. While most would like
to have two or three children, "a growing share of young women and men
believe that a good marriage is personally unattainable, and more are raising
children outside of marriage."
However, the report provides new evidence that both husbands and wives
(but wives especially) are "more likely than their childless peers to feel
their lives have a sense of meaning and purpose." And a substantial
minority of married couples do not experience parenthood as an obstacle to
marital happiness.
What is their secret? Two answers are shared housework chores and
sexual satisfaction. One surprise is that the happiest wives and husbands today
"are those with no children and those with four or more children."
Another factor is education. Americans without college degrees are three times
as likely to divorce in the first 10 years of marriage compared with those with
college education.
But most important is a shared faith that endows marriage "with
transcendent significance." Attending services together is a top predictor
of marital stability. Finally, "parenthood makes life meaningful and
marriage makes parenthood bearable."
Mike McManus is president of Marriage Savers,www.marriagesavers.org.
He wrote this for The Baltimore
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